I've been on a huge Sisters of Mercy kick for the last couple of days....and thanks to youtube.com have managed to satisfy it in ways never before imaginable. Who the fuck knew that youtube would be so bloody amazing?!? Yes, I know, I'm slow on the uptake and the internets toys it seems..but bloody hell, I could sit here for days! And I would if it weren't for work!

I'll leave you with a pic of me taken back in February, looking pretty damn goffy...

( ze click for ze gothy goff )

Tags: modelling
I'm feeling.....: Goth as Fuck
Current Music: Sisters of Mercy - of course!

I don't know which sucks more, being deleted from someone's LJ or having someone delete their LJ in entirety. In both instances, selfishly, you're not privy to their life anymore. But in one instance, you at least know that they're still writing, still sharing, still exploring that persona that you knew them as...they just don't have a need for you anymore. In the other instance, they've died a little death. Gone away for good, along with all of their sharing, creativity and writing.

I used to get really hurt when someone deleted me from their LJ friends list. Almost as if I were less of a person by not meeting their LJ friends standard anymore. And then I realised that my worth doesn't necessarily exist on LJ (no, really?!?). I've made some wonderful friends here, and would be devastated if certain people "dropped" me, but the odd "cut" here and there doesn't sting nearly as much as it used to. But it still saddens me when people delete their journals. It's almost as if they're denying that part of themselves ever existed for that period of time. They may have deleted for the most positive of reasons, but it still saddens me.

I'm feeling.....: pondering
Current Music: Ghost Town - The Specials

ganked from kalischild

I'm feeling.....: insommniac

I really should write in my LJ more, but don't because I worry that anything I may have to say is far too ordinary and boring. Which then makes me feel ridiculous. I don't know when I became so bloody fucking worried about what other people think of my writing, or what I have to say. I'm not sure if it correlates with the "tiredness" that I'd been experiencing or the ridiculous work schedule I've been having or my fucking weight gain (oh yeah...that).

Anyway, No More.

I've realised that I miss writing, I miss my own rambly bits of introspection and minutiae. I miss feeling as if though I had a place I could "be" and place that was safe.

So I'm going to try and write more. I'm not going to commit to anything like once a day or 3x a week or anything like that...because knowing myself, as soon as I miss a deadline day, I'll feel like a failure and give up and withdraw right back into my shell. Instead, I'll just commit to writing more. Writing with greater regularity and frequency. Nice and ambiguous huh. I know what i mean. Writing without worry about being interesting. Writing without worrying about how I appear to the reader. Just being me. I've missed me a bit the last few months. It's time for her to come back a bit.

Tags: coming clean
I'm feeling.....: Rambly
Current Music: Outsiders - Franz Ferdinand

Today is World Aids Day. It is the 19th World AIDS day and the 25th year since the first case of AIDS was diagnosed. Right now 40 million people worldwide are living with HIV. Globally only 1.3 million people have access to treatment. That's approximately 3.25%.


Each of us probably knows someone who is living with HIV+ (even if they haven't disclosed it to you). Some of us have lost someone we love due to the disease. In the 14+ years since the virus has been "discovered" , advances have been made in managing the virus and the disease, and in providing those who are HIV+ with a quality of life that was not possibly previously. But there is still no cure, medication for HIV and AIDS is still exorbitant and in some cases (i.e. 3rd world countries) difficult if not impossible to come by, and HIV/AIDS educational programs continue to be under-funded.

The theme of World AIDS day 2006 is Stop AIDS. Keep the Promise - Accountability.

For more information on World AIDS Day or HIV/AIDS, you can either click on the button above, or go here, or there. All of the sites have good jumping off points.

Love each other and play safe....

Sometimes I Am Alive Because 
ee cummings
 
 sometimes i am alive because with
me her alert treelike body sleeps
which i will feel slowly sharpening
becoming distinct with love slowly,
who in my shoulder sinks sweetly teeth
until we shall attain the Springsmelling
intense large togethercoloured instant

the moment pleasantly frightful

when, her mouth suddenly rising, wholly
begins with mine fiercely to fool
(and from my thighs which shrug and pant
a murdering rain leapingly reaches the upward singular deepest flower which
she
carries in a gesture of her hips) 

Current Music: Honey Child What Can I Do - Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan

---

Adam Ant (Stuart Goddard) has finally written his autobiography. It's currently on sale in the UK. Bloody hells bells, do I NEED this book. You see, wee little Emily fell head over heels for Adam at the tender age of 12 and hasn't stopped adoring him since. That would be 25 years folks (fuck I'm old).

Much like marijuana is said to be a portal drug that opens the door to a greater world of drugs, Adam Ant was my portal musician into a greater world of music. It was through him that I developed an affinity for the music in the early '80's that would I still listen to today, bands like Soft Cell, Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees and countless others too many to name. It was his healthy views on sexuality that influenced my own, and because of him I was determined that my first true love would simply *have* to wear eyeliner (helllooo minervasteel).

Long story short, he played a role during my formative and easily influenced adolescent years, and I'm willing to risk ridicule to tell y'all so.

Sexmusic for antpeople
antmusic for sexpeople
get on your knees and hear the insect prayer*


*yes...actual lyrics.

Tags: confession
I'm feeling.....: perky
Current Music: Prince Charming - Adam & The Ants

tagged by minervasteel and m_bluenote

Write a journal entry for this meme with six random facts about yourself. Then, pick six of your friends list and tag them - no tag backs. These rules should be included in your entry.

• I need to drive barefoot. The only time I drive with shoes on is if I'm wearing boots that I can't easily get off while in the car
• I had lived in 5 different countries on 4 continents by the time I was 13.
• My hair is a good 40% grey/white (yes, I dye my hair, but only about twice a year).
• I'm an only child.
• One of my favourite places in NYC is the Carlton Arms Hotel.  I've shot in there 3 times now.
• I'm pretty much addicted to coffee.

and I tag:

infamouslapis
ladycakes
michaelkeane
shakespearesgrl
unaspenser
wilfried_on_lj

Tags: meme
I'm feeling.....: sleepy
Current Music: Somebody Told Me - Eurythmics

Percy came into my life 12 years ago via my kitchen window. He jumped in the open window and when I went to scoop him up he put his paws on my chest and started purring. Welcome to the family kid. I remember the first night we spent together, he slept on my chest all night, purring away. Completely content and completely sure that he was *home*.

He had the sweetest purr and most persistent meow - hence the name Percy. For the persistent purry kitty.

Gentle yet dim as a 5 watt bulb, Percy had the heaviest foot fall of any cat. "Thomp thomp thomp" you could hear him coming from across the house long before you would see his sweet little face and long black tail held high in the air. He also was a drooler. The darn cat would lick you when you would pet him and soon thereafter he would start drooling, not delicate little droplets either. But big gobs of drool that would make a great dane proud. In a lot of ways Percy was more like a dog than a cat, he would play fetch and he was as friendly and outgoing as any puppy you could hope to meet. I'll miss him in ways big and small. I'm going to miss those licks and his high pitched little meow, and even his nips and drool.

Tags: 1 step back
I'm feeling.....: not very good
Current Music: Sad Girl - Supergrass

some days it seems like 5 o'clock is even further away than heaven...

Current Music: Shadowplay - Joy Division

Been battling a hellish cold for the better part of the week and it seems like it will be moving from its stronghold in my sinuses down to my chest any day now. Joy.

Due to the cold, I left work early yesterday and went home to collapse. I ended up napping/dozing/sleeping on and off from about 1 p.m. to 6 a.m. this morning. Yup. 17 hours. I had the wildest and wackiest dreams possible. Dreams filled with cotton candy and carousel rides, snow storms and scenes straight out of The Wizard of Oz. I had a dream where I was a detective trying to find a missing person who was just someone who willingly disappeared and didn't want to be found, I had a dream where I was wearing pogo stilts (!) and then the dream that became the nightmare... I was going to jail.

I apparently had loads of outstanding tickets for something or another and even with paying them I still couldn't get out of the jail time. I had to go away for 3 months. Leave my life and everyone I loved and be incarcerated for 3 months. The thought of leaving everyone behind was overwhelmingly stifling. Panic and guilt flooded through me. The feeling of dread in the dream still feels real.

I can't even tie the dream into my real life to interpret it.

That's what I get for catching up on my sleep.

I'm feeling.....: sniffly
Current Music: Bad Girl - DJ Rap

Ganked from the lovely ldygrinningsoul

I'm apparently this very pretty combination of colours. I can't disagree with the results though...

Click for the Details

Tags: meme

Being a "grown up" is hard sometimes. By grown up, I mean a responsible adult. Someone who is mindful of own's actions, their potential effect on others and cognisant of one's responsibilities and duties.

Fuck.

I don't wanna be a grown up.

Current Music: Sad Girl - Supergrass

i have a headache. None one of my usual migraines (for which I have scads of my Rx tyvm). NO, this is one of those insidious headaches that starts at the nape of your neck and then wraps its tentacles around your head until you can feel your eyeballs with every blink. The bridge of where my nose meets with my forehead feels as if though I've been scowling for a week and my shoulders have steel cables and lumps where my muscles and tendons should be.

I woke up like this, mind you. So I've now been fighting this stupid bloody headache for the better part of 7 hours. Not fair.

I've taken 3 Tylenol and I'm about to break down and take some prescription painkillers if this shit doesn't help. Actually, I'm about to close my office door and do some emergency yoga (you stop laughing now, yes, you, over there in the corner, giggling). Hopefully some stretches will help. Either that or I'll just end up wanting to take a nap instead.

And yes, I just wrote "emergency yoga". Even I can't believe I wrote it. Blame it on the headache. Please.

Tags: whining a wee bit
Current Music: Senses Working Overtime - XTC

Bloody hell...I simply can not wake up today. Spaceboy suffering from the same ailment. And to make matters "worse", I somehow managed to get my butt to work early. (?!?) So there I am (here I am) at my desk, no one else really around, trying my best not to nod off. It doesn't help that I'm all caught up (more or less) on my work, so there are no fires to give me a nice little "oh shit!" adrenaline rush.

I'm seriously contemplating shutting my door for a wee little nap. I'm yawning so much my eyes have started tearing. That doesn't bode well for the eye makeup.

I think a 3rd cup of coffee is in order. Then perhaps I'll just start chewing the beans.

Tags: whining a wee bit
I'm feeling.....: sleeeeepy
Current Music: All In My Mind - Teenage Fanclub